Picky Eating

Almost every single time I'm in the great company of friends who are also parents of young children, the topic of eating and picky eaters comes up.  It never fails -- one way or another, a part of our conversations seem to mention our children's eating habits.  I admit, this probably has something  to do with the fact that we are usually eating when my family and I join another family in fellowship.  :)  Anyhow, it's clear to me that a lot of parents have their most stressful parenting moments at the table over a meal. And this is very sad to me - because meal times should be a pleasant experience for everyone - a time when the family congregates, eating, talking, sharing, and spending the time together consistently and predictably every single day.

My  husband and I have been blessed with really great eaters.  Both of our kids are healthy and happy and at or above the average height/weight for their age... according to the American Pediatrics Association.  I know that God has everything to do with that, but I also love to entertain the idea that their good eating habits have something to do with the way they are raised.  So, it's my intention to put my two cents out there about this problem of picky eaters and stressful mealtimes for families.

Before I share my secret with you about how we got our girls to be great eaters, I need to ensure you that I am a fairly credible source of information. So, let me toot my own horn here for a minute.

As I already said, I have two girls that are fabulous eaters.  They are 6 years old and 3 years old. From day one, they have both loved food from all the different food groups.  Besides that, I have been in the business of providing quality care to children since even before I graduated high school in 1996.  I have ten years of verifiable experience as an employee in one setting or another.  And, throughout those ten years, I've served a bazillion meals to children of all ages and abilities and not one single mealtime has ever been super stressful for me.  I current have 8 kiddos in my care, and we share breakfast, morning snack, lunch, and an afternoon snack every day.  My own kiddos eat well at home and on the go... whether they're under my supervision or staying with a friend.  They have meals they don't like and won't touch - but that never makes meal times stressful.  My kids know and understand the purpose of food.     ... Does this make me a credible source? I hope so!

Ok, so here's my big magical secret for making meals stress-free.  It's simple (and yet, so hard!).  Here is my big advice: Kids will eat if they are hungry.  They will never starve to death!  At least, not in this country, anyway. 

You see, we parents have such guilt and so much anxiety over throwing food away that we refuse to throw any away without putting up a fight first.  We value food so much - for many of us, it's the biggest expense in our budget every month.  Some if it is just so delicious, or so nutritious, or so sinfully tasty that it seems criminal to throw any away.  But, let me tell you - food will be wasted if you want to raise children who are not picky eaters.  Why? Because research shows that kids need to be exposed to new foods 10-15 times before they're likely going to try it.  Ten to FIFTEEN times before they'll even try a bite!

At my house, children are given the food that I had planned to prepare for that meal.  They've heard me say time and time again, "eat what you like and don't eat what you don't like" and "you get what you get, and you don't throw a fit!"  :)  It's okay with me if they don't touch it.  Here are some very important pointers to make this basic rule of thumb work:

• If you eat it, your child will try it someday.  Children learn best from watching their parents. If you don't eat your green beans, it's not fair for you to expect your child to eat them.  
• Have empathy if your child really dislikes something.  Did he try the asparagus and almost gag? Offer to let him spit it out in a napkin or paper towel, and then verbally show your child that you understand. "Oh - asparagus doesn't taste good to you today?  Maybe it will next time. I understand - sometimes I don't like ______ but then I try it again and like it the next time!"  Empathy is a powerful tool.
• Unless you plan to be a short order cook in your own kitchen for your own family, I advise against offering the food that you know your child will eat instead of the meal you plan to prepare for the whole family.  My Mother-in-Love used to always offer my girls cottage cheese (which they LOVE) if they didn't eat what the rest of the family was having.  As tempting as it is to let her feed and nourish my girls in this way, it was necessary for me/us to speak up and ask that she not do this.  I don't want to have to have cottage cheese on hand every day in my house and prepare meals for only myself and my husband. I want my kids to eat with us, enjoying the foods we enjoy. So, we had to ask her not to do this. (I love my MIL so much, and asking her to stop this was super hard!)
• Understand that nobody likes to be force fed.  If you've never in your life had calamari (squid! eww!) and someone bigger, stronger, and more powerful than you was begging, pleading, and insisting that you take "just one more bite!" of it at the dinner table - that wouldn't be a very pleasant experience for you, would it?  I agree that broccoli is not the same as calamari, but it's the same principle.  Respect your child's desire to not eat.
• Please always make an effort to eat together at the table at least once a day. More times a day is ideal - but at least one meal together is recipe for a positive experience where your family has the time and space to share important news, information, ideas or plans with each other. 
• Here's a lesson my husband and I just recently learned and started to practice....  let your child have dessert (if it's a dessert day at your house or if you usually do desserts everyday anyway) even if he doesn't eat or finish his food!  Making the joy of dessert a conditional luxury instead of just part of the meal plan puts too much value on the dessert itself. Your child is likely going to eat for a reason (to get dessert) instead of for a purpose (to nourish her body) if there's a motive behind the eating.  At our house, we don't offer dessert every day - it's kind of a rare treat for us. But if we decide if today happens to be dessert day (ice cream is a favorite here!), then our kids will get dessert whether they eat or not. Yes, even if I throw a whole plate of chicken enchiladas away.  Sad, I know! But it makes sense!
• Know that your child will not starve to death!  You eat three times a day, right? If your child eats nothing on his plate for dinner - don't worry!  We will get to eat again in the morning.  Seriously. Do not let this stress you out.  It's okay to feel hungry - that's a feeling God gave us for a reason!  Your child will not starve to death.
• Most importantly, please NEVER use food for discipline.  Food should never be given for great behavior nor should it ever be withheld for not-great behavior.  Withholding a routine snack because your child made a bad choice will only make her relate her emotions to food.  The days of going to bed without your dinner are not behind us - but using that as a form of punishment is setting your child up for issues in the future.

Now that I've written so much and sound like I might know what I'm doing or talking about, let me make an important confession.  At our house, we don't adhere to all these suggestions 100% of the time.  There are some occasions (especially on some weekends) when my husband and I will order Chinese take out for ourselves and let the kids pick their dinners (usually a hot pockets or a corn dog.. something easy and not very healthy like that!).   This allows them to have the things they love while we have the things we love, and everybody is still happy go lucky at the dinner table together.  Likewise, I will sometimes withhold the barbecue sauce on our pulled pork sandwiches, just because I know our kids don't like it.  But these examples are exceptions to the rule.  They're rare treats or rare considerations.  Everything in moderation, right!?!

Whether you agree or disagree, I'd love to hear your thoughts on this. What works for you in your home? Do you think it's awful that I'm so willing to throw food away?  What stresses you out about mealtimes?

Frugal Fun with lots of science and imagination!!

My kids love sledding! I had to include these pictures!

A couple of weeks ago, we had so much snow and freezing temps that school was cancelled three times in just 10 days or so.  That makes my job kind of stressful: not only do I have "extra" kiddos (two school agers) but all the kids are HYPER and excited about the snow, and it's too frigid to go play outside!

Thanks for letting me share these pix, even tho they're not related to the childcare business aspect! :)

So, I brought the outside IN!  We played in some buckets of snow. Unfortunately, those pictures are on a different camera and I can't upload them right now.  But, we had large shallow buckets that I took outside to fill with snow. I brought them inside and the kiddos played with it with mittens and gloves on.  When they grew tired of that, I brought in the toys from the sandbox. This was fun!  Raking, shovelling, filling buckets, dumping buckets.. making igloos instead of sand castles...   endless possibilities!  When they grew tired of that (as in, the next day), I filled a $1 spray bottle with a tiny bit of powder paint and lots of water, then I sprayed the snow!  They watched our snow turn from bright clean white to pretty purple, then pink, then blue..     Then, we sprayed the blue part with the yellow mix and watched it turn green.  Again, endless possibilities!  So sad that I didn't take enough pictures with the good camera!

Well, when the kids are tired of all that, I needed a place to pitch the snow in a hurry so we could put our supplies away and move on to the next thing, so I just put the filled containers outside.  To be honest, I kind of forgot about them until today. ...which is cool.

We discovered that the snow must have melted some (or maybe it froze?) to make a nice, clear sheet of ice!  Now we had a nice big, shallow container filled with a layer of pretty ice  (only the light purple - all the other colored buckets were dumped).  The kids spent a few minutes driving the small cars and trucks on the ice and exploring it with their bare hands.

When they tired of that, I allowed them to break it and "squish it" and make a mess of it.   Then, I had a brilliant (to me) idea!

We used the floor for this, because other kiddos were busy at the table and I don't have the patience to wait on a good idea.  Plus, my floor is very easy to wipe up with a paper towel.
I gave the artist a piece of construction paper with his/her name on it.
Then, I sprinkled powder paint on the paper and them go to town with a big chunk of ice on the powder. They loved seeing the colors transform!  The powder looks so much different dry than when it's wet.
Each child finished quickly - but they're still talking about the project, hours later.  Fun!!